Intoxination

George Bush Takes A Citizenship Test

jamie

After some hard computer snooping, I have uncovered a citizenship test completed by George W. Bush. Apparently he wanted to try the waters and see how hard it was for illegal immigrants to become U.S. citizens. The answers are interesting. The results appear below the fold.

  1. What are the colors of our flag? Republican, White and Blue
  2. How many stars are there on our flag? 51
  3. What color are the stars on our flag? White with black streaks from my sharpie
  4. What do the stars on the flag mean? Purdy
  5. How many stripes are there on the flag? 19
  6. What color are the stripes? Republican and white
  7. What do the stripes on the flag mean? That white people are Republicans
  8. How many states are there in the Union? They told me 50 but there is really only 30
  9. Why do we celebrate the Fourth of July? To show the terrorists why they hate us.
  10. What is the date of Independence day? 9/11
  11. Independence from whom? Those who wish to do us harm
  12. What country did we fight during the Revolutionary War? Afghanistan
  13. Who was the first President? Daddy’s friend Ron.
  14. Who is president today? Thats me
  15. Who is vice president today? Dick but I would like Condi to get the job
  16. Who elects the president of the United States? The Supreme Court
  17. Who becomes our president if the president should die? This information is classified and would help the terrorists out.
  18. For how long do we elect the president? As long as I want.
  19. What is the Constitution? A headache
  20. Can the Constitution be changed? Of course
  21. What do we call a change to the Constitution? Executive power
  22. How many changes or amendments are there to the Constitution? None worth worrying about.
  23. How many branches are there in our government? Three only if I choose to listen to them
  24. What are the three branches of our government? Me, puppets and activist judges
  25. What is the legislative branch of our government? The people who do what I want
  26. Who makes federal laws? Me
  27. What is Congress? The place that gives me money
  28. What are the duties of Congress? see above
  29. Who elects Congress? Diebold
  30. How many senators are there in Congress? 55. There are some Democrats that crash the party. We call them party crasherers
  31. Can you name the senators from your state? D.C. don’t have Senators silly.
  32. For how long do we elect each senator? Republicans for life, Democrats for only a couple of years.
  33. How many voting members are in the House of Representatives? Two – Dennis Hastert and John Boehner
  34. For how long do we elect the representatives? Same as senators
  35. What is the Executive branch of our government? thats me
  36. What is the Judiciary branch of our government? The activist judges who wish to do us harm
  37. What are the duties of the Supreme Court? To make me President
  38. What is the supreme law of the United States? Commander in Chief
  39. What is the Bill of Rights? Another liberal headache
  40. What is the capital of your state? D.C. don’t have capitals silly
  41. Who is the governor of your state? D.C. don’t have governors silly
  42. Who becomes president if both the president and the vice president die? Classified information meant to help those who wants to do us harm
  43. Who is chief justice of the Supreme Court? Johnny
  44. Can you name the 13 original states? Texas, Florida, Utah, Iowa, Oklahoma, Arizona, Wyoming, Alabama, Nebraska, North Dakota, Georgia, Louisianna, Mississippi
  45. Who said, “Give me liberty or give me death”? Some damn liberal.
  46. Which countries were our allies during World War II? My friend Junichiro Koizumi’s country
  47. What is the 49th state added to our Union? Did those activist judges add more states?
  48. How many full terms can a president serve? 2 but I will be changing that soon.
  49. Who was Martin Luther King Jr.? That liberal whose wife’s funeral embarassed me.
  50. Who is the head of your local government? Me
  51. According to the Constitution, a person must meet certain requirements in order to be eligible to become president. name one. Be a Christian
  52. Why are there 100 senators in the U.S. Senate? So Dick can break ties
  53. Who nominates judges of the Supreme Court? Me
  54. How many Supreme Court justices are there? Only 5 that I worry about
  55. Why did the Pilgrims come to America? A long time ago
  56. What is the head executive of a state government called? Guvornar
  57. What is the head executive of a city government called? Nagin
  58. What holiday was celebrated for the first time by the American colonists? 4th of July
  59. Who was the main writer of the Declaration of Independence? Sam Adams
  60. When was the Declaration of Independence adopted? 1774
  61. What is the basic belief of the Declaration of Independence? That we are a Chrisitan Nation.
  62. What is our national anthem? I’m proud to be an American
  63. Who wrote “The Star-Spangled Banner?” Motorola when they made my ring tone
  64. Where does freedom of speech come from? Activist judges
  65. What is the minimum voting age? It depends on your race and party.
  66. Who signs bills into law? Me.
  67. What is the highest court in the United States? God
  68. Who was president during the Civil War? Washington
  69. What did the Emancipation Proclamation do? Hurt the economy of the Southern States.
  70. What special group advises the president? God and Jesus
  71. Which president is called the “Father of Our Country”? Me
  72. What is the 50th state of the Union? Iraq
  73. Who helped the Pilgrims in America? God
  74. What is the name of the ship that brought the Pilgrims to America? The Ark
  75. What were the 13 original states of the United States called? Red states
  76. Name three rights or freedoms guaranteed by the Bill of Rights. Freedom is a word that can interfere with my duty as commander in chief to protect our nation from those who wish to harm us meaning there are no freedoms.
  77. Who has the power to declare war? Me
  78. Name one amendment that guarantees or addresses voting rights. Diebold
  79. Which president freed the slaves? Me. I freed them from their tyrant leader Saddam
  80. In what year was the Constitution written? 1920
  81. What are the first 10 amendments to the Constitution called? A headache
  82. Name one purpose of the United Nations. Tourist attraction for liberals.
  83. Where does Congress meet? The RNC headquarters
  84. Whose rights are guaranteed by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights? Mine.
  85. What is the introduction to the Constitution called? The start
  86. Name one benefit of being a citizen of the United States. Having me as a leader
  87. What is the most important right granted to U.S. citizens? To worship Jesus
  88. What is the United States Capitol? My house
  89. What is the White House? Where I live
  90. Where is the White House located? All around me
  91. What is the president’s official home? Crawford Ranch
  92. Name one right guaranteed by the First amendment. None – see my signing statement
  93. Who is the Commander in Chief of the U.S. Army and Navy? Me
  94. Which president was the first commander in chief of the U.S. Army and Navy? Lincoln
  95. In what month do we vote for president? November or December if the Supreme Court wants to vote
  96. In what month is the new president inaugurated? December
  97. How many times may a senator be re-elected? As many as he wants so long as he is a Republican
  98. How many times may a congressman be re-elected? See above
  99. What are the two major political parties in the United States today? Republicans and those that are with the terrorists
  100. How many states are there? 30. Blue places don’t count.

Gee I wonder what his final score is.

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